I still have feelings for him despite everything...

He's my first boyfriend, and I hoped that he'd be my last. I told him that I didn't want a physical relationship, as I wanted to save my virginity for the man in my life. He said it was OK, he'd respect that. A month into our relationship, he forced himself on me. I broke up with him. He told me that he was so sorry that he wanted to kill himself. I still had strong feelings for him, so I got back together with him again. Then it happened again and I got pregnant. He left me and refused to talk to me. I had an abortion. For half a year, we didn't speak to each other. He dated another girl. Then, he came back to me, and told me he only did that to try to get over me, but he's a changed person and he really do love me. I got back together with him for the fourth time, in a period of three years. It didn't last long before we broke up again. I don't understand how I can still feel this way about him after all that happened, and when he tells me that he loves me, parts of me still believes in it...