"I noticed I stopped loving myself and looking in the mirror after michelle hurt me in 2004 and i felt hurt by both michelle and doret and at college staff hurting me visciously. I just shut down and stopped looking for dates and romance in 2004. stopped going to taxiride as michelle was so up their bums and every guys bum. I thought she was and doret were real friends I learnt otherwise. when it comes to men I always have friends who betray me. michelle didn't like any band members liking me or other men, they all had to chase her. then it was a full repeat with desley and anna-maria and emma and sally. I thought they would be real friends and I found out I was not welcome for long as with the choirs, I have just never fitted in anywhere, I am never good enough anywhere. there are only a few places I have been welcome and I guess it must be how ugly and doglike I am. I always leave jobs when I feel I am no longer welcome and just up and leave and never ask them for references. I just walk out on them and never speak to them again. "