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"I need to tell someone... I need to tell someone my secret but please no harsh comments...I thought about suicide a lot. I even attempted 5 times nobody knew but my sister & my bf. Ive been through so much im surprise im still alive. My past would make you cry. Im not even kidding. should i start from the very beginning? When i was 4-5 i have been molested by a relative i will not name because no one would believe me. if i were to tell him i would yell and cry. like why would you touch me and my sister? we were only 4-5 years old? i wish you would burn in h*** because you were so close to the family. I hate your gutts everytime i see you im disgusted you could just walk around like nothing happened. You thought i was sleeping but i was awake the whole time it would happen every night you would come into the living room and touch us you sick b******! i wish i could kill you and be acceptable because of what you did to us. I felt so messed up in the head ever since birth i feel like. when i was 7 me and my cousin would touch each other we were both stupid. i know its disgusting when i think about it now im disgusted with myself. when i 8-12 i was abused by my dad for many stupid reasons. Me, my brother and sister. Well i was a problem child i didnt care about school or home. i stopped caring about anything my dad was never satisfied so i give him the satisfaction to beat me. yes it hurt but i knew it was never gonna stop. he would beat my till i had bruises. thats when i started to harm myself believe that when i was in fourth grade. when my family didnt notice i started wearing long sleeves to hide my scars. i stopped because why harm myself cuz of my hatred towards my dad. then i also was diagnosed with ADHD great what else could happen to my sick worthless self. I went to the clinic for a mental diagnosis secretly with no one with me i was diagnosed with bi polar disorder, depression, anxiety, plus the ADHD i didnt want those on my record forever so i denied the prescription to help me get better. what else could go possibly wrong. im not done yet. when i started to drink i got drunk and my closest uncle took advantage of me i said no but he kept talling me ill make you feel good. i wanted to cry because i couldnt push him off me he then said you cant deny me then he took off my shorts and underwear and he well you get the picture he said you wont remember but i do i remember everything i hate myself why did i get drunk that night why did i let him take advantage of me like that it haunts me. I wish i was dead but i already wished i was dead my fourth grade year i attempted 5 times. i didnt want to leave my family i knew would hurt most. My big sister i know she would be heart broken. i would hurt my boyfriend also. My sibling would be hurt too. my family would be too. i sometimes wish i was not so attached to my family then it wouldnt be a problem. if i died i would leave them in h***. they would hate me for killing myself but then one of these day i know i could just snap and bang im gone."


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