can you pray for me but there is probably no use praying for a loser like me! but I will ask anyway even though I am a bother to everyone I meet!
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You are now chatting with 'Lifeline6256'
Lifeline6256: Welcome to Lifeline’s Crisis Support Chat service. What has been going on for you this evening?
you: hi I am really upset and thinking about becoming a homeless person and getting permiantly lost so I am no longer a bother to anyone
you: I have been feeling this way for years and thinking about planning it to just up and leave one day and never talk to my family or anyone ever again.
Lifeline6256: Hi, pleased you're here to chat.
Lifeline6256: Can hear you're feeling upset as you think about what you might do next.
Lifeline6256: I get a sense that things are not happy for you at home. Would it help to talk about this?
you: I am hurt over yesterday I was charged by police Bastards (sorry to swear but I just hate them now). I asked the mongrels for help about 8 years ago over a rape and asked them to make themselves more visable around capalaba bus station as my mum and I have to wait there some nights in the dark no lights on no security cameras and one time there was these drugies shooting up in the toilets and a thug hulk biker freak with tatooos all over its ugly face even a mother would not came it as a son it was so disgusting! and they were giving us evil looks we were afraid for our safety and I asked the redlands council to have the area guarded more and then instead of hididng behind trees to catch the druggies and drug deal the bloody cops hid behind trees to get me and my mum who is 77 for J walking. and I am angry
you: that is the last time I am ever asking the cops to do a thing or helping them ever again. the mongrels. I am going to tell the bastards "why couldn't you hide in the bushes and stake out the rapist and the pedophile who molested me when I was 5 the mongrel protected bastard like all the druggy bastards are protected while i was molested for 10 years
you: i am never trusting police to a thing right ever again
Lifeline6256: sounds it. Sounds like you're not getting the protection you need.
you: i ask them to make themselves more visible and i basicly shoot my own foot and they slap me in the face and I still will never forgive qld police for how they handled the pedophile who molested me for 10 years. never ever will i forgive police ever now.
Lifeline6256: it would be a hard thing to do, I imagine.
you: everytime I ask the mongrel bastards for help they treat me like the criminal. to the point I want to suicide and I have had migranes the last 2 days and had to see the doctor and could have herpes from a rapist and I don't drink I don't have sex only ever had sex once one partner from rape at 30 like only ever been to night clubs all of 12 times in all my 45 years of life and I am always made look like the bad person and I am sick of it. I want to be a homeless person and just get away i feel bullied by police
Lifeline6256: from what you've been telling me, I can hear you're really struggling with what happened, and anyone would if they were you. You mentioned wanting to suicide. Are you intending to end your life tonight?
you: well why didn't the police go to that effort to get a dirty drunken stinking epelpetic pedophile of 80 who was molesting me, why couldn't they hide in the bushes and catch him molesting me? to help me to make me feel better and safe and protected every time on all accounts police have always failed to protect me
you: i have considered suicide on and off for years. its all due to the police not helping me enough and I blame qld police for that peodphle in 1977 molesting me and I always will blame them
Lifeline6256: Police not being in the right place has left you vulnerable, then you get done for J walking. Can hear it's not fair.
Lifeline6256: this has made you consider killing yourself. Are you intending to do this tonight?
you: yeh I was the one who asked them to be there and they back stab me every time I have asked for help. why do they do this to me? I feel bullied by a senior sargent andrew gillies at capalaba and by a tony remetta and my cousins ex husband who was a cop called bruce dudley. they have all bullied me and they are cops.
you: all out at capalaba constantly bullying me ever since I was a child and i am bloody sick of their bullying and abuse,
Lifeline6256: Can imagine you'd have had enough of that.
you: i was upset yesterday i got back from gp who did a vaginal swab test and he said i could have herpes and they have to catch it while it is an outbreak and if i have got it i have to go on a national register and then so should the rapist as he is the only person who could have given me herpes.
you: so I was upset and these stupid police are the biggest cowards out.
Lifeline6256: it wasn't your fault, and you're being bullied and might go on this national register for something completely out of your control.
Lifeline6256: and you've been enduring all this for years, sounds like.
you: for an std, but the truth is it is my fault like everything I can never ever let my guard down. life has taught me a lesson yesterday. everyone else is allowed to make mistakes and let their guard down but me. like the rape like the sexual child abuse . I should have never let it happen. I should not have got drunk. i should have known what these men do. I should have seen the red light. I should have been wised up to everyone. you see!
you: enduring it all alone. no husband no children and I am sick of hearing whores who are married gutsaching about how tough they have it how stressful 2 children are , seriously they don't know what stress is i have had cancer
you: I could show these power mothers who complain about kids what real stress is
Lifeline6256: easy to say in hindsight. At the time you didn't know.
you: they don't know how lucky they are and they have abused other women to get husbands and kids and can't appreciate it them then. how selfish
you: looking after 2 kids is not stress i have done it. and i am not even a mother.
Lifeline6256: I can hear you're overwhelmed with these thoughts of unfairness and abuse. You've shown a lot of strength to survive this, and others don't know that strength.
you: loneliness is stress, cancer is stress, rape and stroke is stress, having 10 mri's and ct scans on your brain is stress
you: yeh i am overwhelmed. you know what. i would appreciate some son of a bitch slut for once caring about me, how i feel and my needs for ocne
Lifeline6256: All this sounds unbearable, and can hear you would like to feel supported as you've never had this.
you: i can't get anymore broken then this. as it is i have to have surgery and i have no friends no support for years and years. and I am sick of not mattering to anyone. the next guy who has the audacity to be nice to me I swear I will up and hit them. all i care about is gym. doing weight lifting and being so strong and fighting the world down
you: i have completed a policing and justice and nursing diploma and international law units and as far as I am concern me and the qld police are DONE! I can't wait to go practice overseas anyway.
Lifeline6256: you've been battling this alone, and can hear you're so used to fighting that this is it for you, sounds like.
you: yeh, i have and I take it out on the weights and battle ropes and mountain climber and I am strong and big like a man.
you: i am not allowed to be a woman
Lifeline6256: you can be a woman, but you're stronger than most. You're experiences have made you who you are.
you: i feel like I have lost my soul I don't know who i am anymore. i didn't get to live the life I wanted.
Lifeline6256: almost like they've stolen it from you, and you want it back. What would it take for you to get it back again.
Lifeline6256: you can't re-live it, but the future hasn't happened yet. What needs to change in your life now?
you: the bastards cops are gonna get a letter from me when i pay this fine and they can go run to my psychiatrist dr perce tucker, because i have had the whole deal of this stupid life and the cops back stabbing me all my life when they protect druggies and drug dealers and attack victims of peodphilia all my life i have been made to feel a criminal
you: maybe i should become a homeless bag lady afterall where I belong in the gutter where joyce poorter wanted me in sack cloth and ashes
Lifeline6256: it hasn't been fair, that's for sure.
you: the system is against people like me. god is against me i know that
you: the honest people pay for everything in this world
Lifeline6256: the system is against you, but the gutter is not for you.
Lifeline6256: I wonder how it would be for you to have someone supporting you through all of this?
Lifeline6256: You haven't had any support in the past, how about we change that tonight?
you: oh i think joyce poorter would tell you differently that the gutter is where I belong and all my family belong
you: she made it clear to me my scummy family were a welfare low life scum
Lifeline6256: our chat is none of joyce poorter's business.
you: I had no right going to qut in a law degree joyce poorter told me, her husband tony remetta was a cop and he did nothing to help me either the lazy freak
Lifeline6256: What can you do tonight to care for yourself?
you: when i was assaulted the bastard actually wanted to me to go over to his house for some movies like really. am i that stupid
Lifeline6256: No, you're not stupid. What can you do tonight to care for yourself instead?
you: well i have taken some panadol and i have to hear back from my surgeon about my jaw problem.
Lifeline6256: pleased you've done one thing tonight to care for yourself.
Lifeline6256: What else can you do?
you: yes i am stupid the world greatest loser ever born. i want that put on my gravestone, "the cunt that cant" I told joyce poorter that. she alwys said i needed kicks up the ass, maybe they can kick my coffin when I die
you: druggies a precisous but the honest clean people on medication are the real idiot losers in this world
you: dumber honest losers of this world my parents were and made me
you: born dumb loser. with no hope
should i start cutting my cliterous again and just cut it off completely I cut my cliterous as a teen at 14 after the peophile sexually assaulted me to punish myself?