i can't stand my husband anymore he i can't stand my husband anymore he cheated on...

me about 2 years ago with my 16 year old cousin he is 25 our babies were asleep down the hall it was in my living room on my couch i cant let it go i want to leave but i have no money i am in school for nursing so i can leave him i just hate him so much why did he do this! why to me we have 2 kids both babies still and i want to make it work but i hate him so much i cant get passed this angst i wish sometimes he would just leave he once said i would be sorry for being so mean to him (suicide) i begged him to do it i told him just not where the kids could find him i meant it he thought i was just being mean i dont want to touch him or him to touch me sometimes i just bend over so he will not think something is up and keep paying the rent till i get out of school i am horrible i know i just feel he owes me that much after what he did!