I do my best never to complain, even when I'm dying inside, even when I'm falling apart. because when I complain, I feel like a selfish b**** who doesn't deserve to live. sympathy makes me hate myself.
but no matter how much it pains me when I get it, sometimes all I want is sympathy. I want someone to tell me that I'm not a selfish b****, that I have every right to be upset, that I'm not just creating problems for myself to get attention. because maybe then I wouldn't feel so guilty for being upset.
which is why it hurts so much when, when I finally do speak up and say that something's wrong, you tell me what I deserve to hear. I hate knowing you're right.
just once, I wish you would lie to me."