I'm pregnant. Just found out today, though I've been sure for a while. Probably four or five weeks along now.
It's my ex-boyfriends. He left me recently to be with his baby's momma (he has an eight-month old son).
In the past four or five weeks, I've had alcohol numerous times, smoked cigarettes consistantly, smoked a decent amount of bud, and blown a lot of coke. I know this is all bad for the baby- but I'm secretly hoping I'm going to have a miscarriage. I'm not going to stop smoking and I'm not going to stop doing drugs. I can't afford an abortion, but I can't have this baby either. I'm eighteen and starting school tomorrow. I really just can't.
I'm sure I'm a bad person. But I'd be an even worse mother. I'm in no position to have a baby- I can barely take care of myself. In addition, my ex and I hate each other.
I don't know. I can't tell anyone and I don't know what to do. Cocaine, cigarettes and alcohol all increase chances of miscarriages early on in pregnancy...so I'm hoping all three will be a sure-fire way of getting rid of this.
I'm going to h***, I'm pretty sure."