"i do find it hard to be mean or rude to people and its hard when a therapist or support group is literally telling you to be rude to people who have wronged you but no harder then trying to forgive, which is harder and i have to work really hard on that. i don't feel comfortable forgiving people much now compared to when I was young. when I was young I forgave more because that was what we were taught with catholic nuns all the time we were punished if we didn't forgive and be nice no matter how nasty they were to us. now its like. I can't be that holy. sorry god, but i am just human and i would forgive if more good things had of come my way like jobs and social status and income and love and children etc. all those things that make us feel like we matter and that we are good people. when I was young I thought I would be rewarded for being so holy with gifts from god and I would seek revenge with success and love within my groups that never came so I am more sour now. i don't have an excuse to be polite too often, or to tolerate much. i mean only a drunk can really tolerate the company of another drunk, and I am not really a party person and learnt that young being humiliated as a child at parties made me less trusting. I only trust in selective times and not much, not often. I have forgotten what that and love is for, i have had to be mean and harsh to gain back things i lost and I don't like myself for the fact that i am harsher on people and cruel and have no problem dobbing people in and labelling people who have lied and abused me in my past and who have wronged me. I am very vocal now and my doctor says that is good. I don't have a problem calling police on people either. I can give orders and take them. i would make a good cop i think. better then most."