"I told mum the more I think of it I believe frank might have liked me but someone else wrote the love letter and his body language and how he was so empty was not in sync with all this love he was promising me and saying he felt and then as soon as he could when he got the bank job he didn't want to know me. I don't care, it hurt and confused me at the time in 2003 but I was so wrapped up in my own problems of trying to get my diploma or go back to another college and deal with my mums cancer and my own illnesses and getting work. we sort of drifted apart and we never had sex we just dated a few times while at college together. I am was so burnt I didn't care either way after Richard hurt me so badly and then being date raped. but when Jordan was coming on hot and cold and I liked him but I knew it was too good to be true. I really liked him but felt he was too young for me and then he told me he had a partner and he would flirt on and off like half interested but then not. a lot of guys do this and give me mixed weird messages. I gave up being friends with gay men due to this too. cuz they don't care how they hurt you when they want the same guy as you when your such a good friend to them. like all the gay male friends I had and I regret being so nice. I had asian friends and foreign friends and they just use you. so I dumped them all. my attitude is "I like me, I don't care if you don't like me, at least I am not you!' one thing you will find as my mother always told me is "when you have morals and values you will find yourself a very alone person and your own best friend" and my grandpa always told me" you might not always have riches or a title in a career or job but you have your health and that is the most important thing!" when I was about 14 and I never forgot that. I didn't take my health for granted cuz I have been sick a few times. I just don't talk about it a great deal. I am sick of men and their bs. I met a doctor when I was on a cruise ship he was so nice and a ex military nice guy and his wife and I met this beautiful serious beautiful german young guy and a young surfer who was like looking at me up and down and like really obvious and I thought "I don't know why you giving me those looks I m a fat old bag" its like at the gym these guys want us women to watch them workout I don't know why we are fat old bags? but one hot young guy I really liked straight away was a amputee he was gorgeous! you meet nice people travelling and we stayed in some nice places some were expensive and others were cheaper and you meet people who act normal not like people here. I met a nice couple the wife worked for the banks in a corporate job and they were nice and they were campa-vaning and so easy going. I want to meet a guy on a ship or overseas on a holiday there are no good ones here. I met hot guys who are a complete waste of time here. they think they are too good for you. then you get old guys and young ones. I wouldn't mind if they were polite and decent and cultured and cleaned up their body and not look scruffy with beards and hair everywhere."