He cheated twice. At least that I know of. The first time I forgave him. Three years later he does it again. I find the texts on his phone but he swears up and down that all he received was a massage. I try to give him the benefit of the doubt and just leave him be. A few weeks later I'm visiting family with our son out of town and he confesses his infidelity and I feel sick. He cites the reason as being because he felt alone in the relationship. I breast feed our boy because he is still young and my sex drive has severely decreased so I don't know what to do. He has beaten me and hurt me in front of our son. He humiliates me by throwing food in my face and making me clean it up. He has thrown hot sauce in my eyes. I know I should leave but I still give him the benefit that he's just in a bad place right now but I start to resent him comparing me to other women and saying that they treated him better. Well you know what. Go to them and tell them that I should have treated you better while you were beating on me and choking me. I'm the only one you've hit and cheated on. You deserve a comparison too. Men with integrity don't hit their wives. Same goes the other way around too. Our child doesn't deserve to grow up thinking that's a normal way to treat women. I'm going to get out and away from you. I just have to find a way"