"Lately I've been thinking about hurting myself. I'm usually the 1st one to call out people who want to or already killed themselves. Now I'm sitting here thinking about it. I have no real friends. I pushed everyone away because of there fakeness Reason is why I'm still here is because of my wife. She don't know my dark thoughts. I pray that someone or something takes me out everyday. I fake my smile and hide my sadness by cracking jokes and trying to have fun. But at the end of the day, I'm not not satisfied.
I sit down everyday when I'm alone for about 20 minutes when I get home having thoughts run wild in my mind.
I feel like a coward thinking about it. But to be honest, if I never met her. I would've end it by now. I want to get help. But I feel I will get thrown away as damaged goods and forgotten about. I feel alone with no one to talk to."