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"I cried and said goodbye to my mother and my cat and cried and said "mum I have to go to hospital I can't get out of it this time there are brain injuries now and mastoid mri's and heart and blood tests and all my records went with me. sometimes I just want to find that ambulance guy or the police man I liked. all I really wanted to do was for someone to hold me. inside I was screaming in fear of death. This time at the hospital it will be ok. I can cope better anyway, it will be a while before I see any surgeon. every time I go near that hospital I cry cuz I really thought I would die. my mum couldn't understand why I felt like I was wanting to go to hospital or be near ambulance people but there were times I couldn't breath and then I woke up to something a ambulance officer asked me one night "have you got a uti or has anyone else in the house got uti" I was complaining of constant urination flow and vomiting and pain in the neck when I moved it and one night I couldn't swallow it was extremely painful it took about 30 mins to be able to swallow without water and I literally held my tongue in my front teeth of fear of swallowing it due to the spasm and choking swelling from something. that night I swear I seen some hooded dark ghost in the window of the ambulance I never told anyone but it felt too unreal ever tell a soul."


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