"its a good thing I love my cats they cost us over $2,500 in the last few weeks and I need a holiday or a wage or something. I wish they could pay for their keep. all I do is apply for stupid jobs and never get a look in the door and I am sick of it. even when I had cancer I applied for jobs. even on disability I applied for jobs living in hope life could get better. I think its a sure guarentee that I won't marry or have kids or work full time or graduate from university - university was a complete waste of time and engery. I had to do something its not like I had hot guys after me. no one ever put in a huge effort to show any heart or ask me out like they ment it. I am sick of being abused. people wonder why i am celibate most of my life, but I was a virgin til 29 and had no job that I wanted to have. I didn't have privilege. no one ever saw value or competency in me but sandy when I was young. no one asked me what subjects at school i was good at and aim for work in that. I was told to just get any job the lowest possible casual part time hotel room cleaner apart from selling programs at sporting events and pocket money jobs, that is all its ever been pocket money jobs. at least i did save some while doing hotel work but it was hard on my back, near bloody killed me doing that work from 6am til 3 or 4 pm some days. I was lucky if I got home after 4 even if i finished at 2pm cuz of trains, university I had to travel 2 hours there and 2 hours home every freaking day. what for? to be treated like this? I never asked for this sort of life. no one said to me "if your good at bookkeeping go do that or go try something in retail etc" it was like joyce was like, "do the lowest level work cuz that is all you are and can hope for cuz you are shit" that was the message i picked up from her all the time. you can't have a police man or a male model or a doctor or anything I have. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2EwViQxSJJQ joyce was standing in my front yard laughing putting me down, telling me how I am such a fool, I would never have a man like her. every woman did that to me but a few. joyce must know about me, what I do. since I am not your everything as a client and client loyalty, replacing you has been easier then I ever imagined."