She was ruined by the many. The lack of love. The use and abuse. The forgotten one, so easily thrown away like a used prophylactic. Looking for affection and coming up short. S** becomes loveless. One night stands though she wants so much more. But that’s as long as they want her. This is something she can’t change. Just like she couldn’t change the fact her father never wanted her. Or the way she will never be able to change the disdain her stepdad held for all those years after the one night she tries so hard to repress from when she was six. Turning to all the wrong places. Trying to escape. They created a floozy. A junkie. And they blame her and her alone.
She began her journey into adulthood innocent. Unexperienced. She had only ever kissed the lips of the single boyfriend she’d had, who was now the reason for her pain. He gave her a glimpse of this thing she was so curious of, then tore it out from under her after no time at all.
Reason number two came flying in on his white horse. She had never felt this before. The things he said, she had never heard aimed her way before. After one passionate night, he began to withdraw. More and more were her desperate attempts of communication ignored. Until she realized she had been dooped. You think by now she would have learnt.
Number three was a surprise. A new acquaintances, sharing a moment in time over the sweet scent of smoked herbs. A kiss. A touch. And that was that. She didn’t want more, only friendship. To not be forgotten. Once again, the sting of silence bit her hard.
Four was only slightly different. She reached a point of such frustration she gave herself up to a man she had no intention for. The first one to ask. With intentions clear from the beginning, they were there for s**, and s** alone. His cold shoulder hurt as much just as the others. His constant words of friendship and understanding disappeared and were replaced by momentary conversations, offcourse only when he wanted something from her. She was beginning to understand. After one night she was she useless, a waste of time and space in their eyes. Tossed aside and forgotten was a scenario all too familiar.
This realization left her numb. Rhys felt different. But she knew better than to let her hopes rise higher than reality. They f*****. He kissed her goodbye. She let herself hope for something more, even if all that meant was a second night of pure intercourse. His disregard penetrated her heavy heart, sending her over the edge to a place of no return. S** has lost all meaning. Men want nothing but one night of pleasure. All men. She feels like a ruined woman at the age of eighteen. A loveless and unlovable fool. Used and unwanted.
She rids her life of the people who treat her less than she deserves, knowing she will be alone forever. Knowing she will have to find affection in any place she can. She’s always loved the sensation drugs give her. But now they feel like they may be able to replace the lack of affection. Like they may be able to take away the sting of rejection. Who knows where this will take her.
WHY AM I ONLY GOOD FOR ONE NIGHT?"