"I have never gotten over the feeling that I am a worthless piece of shit and I have the constant need to be useful or endearing in some way to the people I meet. If I fail to do this, I feel as if I failed myself. I have no passions. I have no drive for anything. I went into my degree partially that I knew my job security would be solidified and mostly because it was some form of self-validation for myself. Like I might be able to be finally of some worth to someone and be able to slip out of their life just as easily. I don't really care about them. I just care that I was helpful. I am a selfish piece of shit.
There's nothing really special here. I just hate myself. I just wanted to tell someone that"