"I sit and watch things that remind me of all the things I wish I could do. All those things that are life goals and dreams and letting the past seep in and destroy it. 'not good enough' 'failure' 'worthless' 'untalented' I let it poison it and I let my dreams shatter so instead of going for them I kill them every time the longing to work towards them gets too strong, Cause I can't face being good at something.
I can't accept praise that isn't superficial. My real talents all feel plastic when people see them and so I keep them a secret. It hurts and I don't know how to help myself anymore. That's my secret that I am talented but refuse to use it cause I am self-sabotaging. I am so sorry self."