"to be honest the guys I like I am afraid of them and hardly dare look at them or make eye contact with them, or talk to them etc. I feel so embarrassed I just avoid them a great deal because ? in case they don't like me. the fantasy is better then the rejection or ignoring they do. even when I was thin and young they would ignore me and be weird even the nicer ones who were working in law firms I had worked in, they were non-committal and vague and deliberately distant. "