How would m life have been different When I was a teenager I had a guy...

friend who was my best friend ever. He cared about me, and often went to parties with me to make sure I didn't get in trouble. He always let me know that he was interested in me as more then a friend, but my parents were going through a divorce, and I didn't trust love. I felt like if I dated him, that someday we would hate each other, and I would loose his friendship. He remained my friend for many many years. At one point he had a " talk" with me about my smoking and partying, because someday I would have someone in my life who loved me, and wouldn't want to worry about me dieing due to my lifestyle. He continued going to parties with me, to watch out or me, where after a few years, he ended up getting into the drug scene himself. I have since grown up, where he continued, and I feel guilty about it every day. That is point one. Point two is there was one crucial moment before his doing drugs where I was drunk and High and felt I needed some air. He went out with me, and I snuggled into him ( something I did often because I was so comfortable with him). We had some intense conversation about something or another, and he pulled me up and made me face him, and told me to kiss him. Our faces were just inches apart, and we looked each other in the eyes for what seemed like forever, till I finally told him I couldn't, because I was afraid of loosing him as a friend. That moment in between I was in turmoil struggling over wether to kiss him or not. I loved him....I truly did, with all my heart, and something deep inside me wanted to kiss him and be with him forever...but at the time I didn't believe in happily ever after. After that moment, he faded out of my life. I think he felt hurt, and felt like I would torture him forever. I wonder all the time what would have happened if I had just kissed him back, and regret that I didn't. A if your ever scared of crossing hat line because you don't want to loose a friend...keep in mind that our more likely to keep him if you so cross over hat line...especially if he's your best friend. Everyone claims their husbands are their best friend. Now I am 40 years old, and even though I have had many relationships, I have never been married, cause I have never since never met that man who is my " best friend"

By Anonymous on General,