"I met a girl when I was in acting school that was beautiful, an individual, and a all around bad ass! As a woman sh*t I found her attractive. We became like bestfriends. During school year things got rough for her she ended up coming to live w/ me. We became even closer friends. Long story short just because I wanted her as a gf so badly. I ended up making my life the splitting mirror image of hers. It took me down a road of infinite sorrow and infinite dispair. One day she told me she had sex with another female! I told her how I felt! It pissed me off so much that it ended our friendship. I feel I lost my self dignity, my self respect, and my self love. After I graduated my life just started going down this dark dispairing path. And now my secret that I could never tell anyone is that the reason why I try not to better my life in anyway is because I don't feel I deserve it. I feel like everyone one who knows about the me & her thing will blackmail me. Its a battle to live or forget!"